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Orc Attack: Flatulent Rebellion (PC) Review

Oh boy…

Let’s start off this review right…*throws up*. Not only is that opening in line with this action title’s subject matter, but it pretty much sums up my experience with it too. Seriously, what was the developer, Casual Brothers, thinking when they created this game? For some reason, Orc Attack: Flatulent Rebellion has a Teen ESRB rating, and yet really only caters to audiences of five and six year old children with its ‘humor’.

If the name didn’t give it away, the game is about orcs who are rebelling, because humans nearby have polluted the… air? Water? …well, it doesn’t say directly, but boy-howdy is something polluted. What did the polluted whatsit do you you ask? Why, it gives everyone the symptoms of: “vomiting, dizziness, nausea, and above all… tremendous flatulence”, as the game’s narrator is kind enough to state in the introduction cutscene. Basically, some humans moved in and did the typical human thing and messed everything up (some things are a constant -ed); polluting the water and the plant life. Basically the entire game seems to be one big message from the EPA.

Now, I have a few more complaints (all legitimate by the way), but before I get to those, I would like to issue my only praise for Orc Attack: I like the cartoon-like graphics. I’m not sure why as they seem to be pretty generic at first glance, but I actually do like the graphics, animations, and blood effects. *cough* …okay back to the slaughter.

First complaint, the names of the characters. This kind of goes back with my first complaint, but I didn’t know how to fit it in. The names of the main characters are as follows: ‘Doc Turd’ (Okay, a pun, har har), Lord Poop (Wait…that’s not even clever), Friar Crap (You have to be kidding me), and Sir Niff (I’m done here). Yes well, sounds like the epitome of storytelling and clearly is going to lead into a well controlled and put together game right? Ha.

This game was released first (I assume, otherwise I’ll be even more angry), on the Xbox 360; yet still, when porting the game to PC Casula Brothers did not bother to change the controls from that of a 360 controller to a keyboard. Meaning, the game controls section and button maps in the menu are shown on a 360 controller. Not only does the game not even list the controls in the menu, but the tutorial meant to show you how to play the game has them listed listed as being on… you guessed it, an Xbox 360 controller. This leaves the player (if they’re like me) clicking the mouse button by default to attack, and trying to use the other two mouse buttons for the different attack types right? Nope. The attack buttons are T, Y, and U. Don’t worry though, you won’t need your right hand for anything, especially considering there is no way to control the camera, therefore the mouse is nearly useless.

I don’t think I need to do any more explaining as to why Orc Attack: Flatulent Rebellion is one of the games I’ve had the displeasure of reviewing so far. It’s genuinely a terrible game. Where Wargame: Red Dragon, and Betrayer (my last two game reviews, which also got fairly low scores) were just bad in my mind, I’m pretty sure Orc Attack will be bad in most people, if not everyone’s minds. My buddy Jeremiah did a review of the console version, and gave it an extremely low score as well, but you know what? I’m going to raise him one and go even lower, because he had a list of controls and a functional tutorial.

Final Thoughts

Don’t bother to play Orc Attack: Flatulent rebellion- that’s my advice. The game itself may give you explosive diarrhea (obligatory poop joke has been made). Don’t even think about playing it, because I know I sure won’t (again).

About Jake Callier

Five parts actual review, 2 parts sarcasm, 2 parts bad puns, and one part self loathing = one of my game reviews.

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