You’ll be fighting the controls and poor design more than the furries in this hot mess. Can you tell how much I love this game?
Players will guide Jared Dent, a former pro-wrestler down on his luck, on his journey of punching furries, body-checking old ladies, helping nerds to become studs, and seeing all of his old wrestling friends while trying to get back on top as a pro wrestler. Will Fight For Food boasts old-school brawler style gameplay, which puts players into the fray with punches, kicks, body checks, and hidden combos. There’s also the option to socialize with an apparently intricate conversation system, that uses body language, opinion, and tone to converse and influence people. Players will utilize both to engage in social situations with the many denizens of Whateville.
The story is so bad, Literature and Plot have written it out of their will. It’s a convoluted mess of plot holes, internet meme jokes, run-on sentences, non-sequitar plot statements, and poorly written dialogue. The actual plot makes very little sense, and the backstory is all but non-existent. From what I could gather, Will Fight For Food is a gripping narrative following Jared Dent: a washed-up former pro-wrestler, now a homeless man seeking redemption, or something. His motivation is never made clear, actually, he just magically comes back to the city of Whateville (yeah, that’s the quality of the jokes right there) to stir up shit. Maybe he wants to just beat everyone up; maybe he wants to be a pro again. The problem is that there is never a clear storyline to follow, just a bunch of mini narratives in each section of the city. This wouldn’t be so bad is the overarching plot held together, but it doesn’t.
And now we move on to the gameplay. There appears to be a distinct lack of sense in the game’s design. The brawler-style gameplay that the developers tried to borrow heavily from doesn’t translate well into this hate-filled massacre on my senses. Combat is tedious, with only three moves available to you: Punching, Kicking, and Body-checking. There’s apparently some sort of combo system, but there is nothing to indicate that it exists. The animations are poor enough that you’ll spend more time trying to move back and forth and escape the hordes of angry mecha-nerds, furries, Forest Rangers who all seem to be chewing something (I really don’t want to know what it is) than you will actually fighting. It’s very simplistic, and the difficulty arises from poor design, rather than the difficulty of the combat like in old-school brawlers. The controls in Will Fight For Food are atrocious, and I haven’t had to use that word in over 15 years (a class spelling bee in grade 2, and of course I won). They’re buggy, they stick, and half the time turning around doesn’t work or happens so slow that you get overwhelmed by the above-mentioned bloodthirsty hordes. Did I mention that the save function doesn’t work in any capacity? You can’t actually save your game or your settings. Despite interface claims to the contrary, I was never able to permanently save my game or settings. And the fullscreen option never worked either, so I spent all my time playing this terrible game in a tiny window made of my tears and rage. I think my editor hates me. The only thing worse than not being able to save this game…is playing it.
The audio and graphics in Will Fight For Food are sup-par, and further my belief that this game is terrible, and was probably made in a highschool Flash class. The art is simplistic and ugly, and it was disappointing, considering how easy it is to find good artists (for free or on the cheap too), or even just use 3D (considering how easy it is nowadays). The music tracks aren’t terrible, but after awhile they start to grate on your nerves and you start to foam at the mouth. That’s probably not healthy, so I stopped listening to it. You’re able to mod the game, but I can’t seem to find a mod to fix all of the problems. This game does have a lot of replayability, because you’ll have to replay it every time you want to play (which should be never). See what I did there?
Overall, Will Fight For Food is a lazy, broken, terrible attempt at making a game, let alone trying to breathe new life into classic brawler gameplay. The developer’s best bet is to go back to the drawing board, and fix all of the terrible things wrong with this game. Like never making this horrid trash in the first place. If a game wont start because it’s missing a critical file, you know the quality is going to be subpar. Spelling mistakes, missing character portraits, and other little mistakes lower quality to below 0, making this the worst game I have ever reviewed. Ever. If you see this game ever advertised on your computer, close your browser immediately, run your anti-virus (to clean the ick from your system), go wash your hands, and get therapy. This game is honestly that bad.