Top Ten Most Annoying Things In Gaming

Take note developers and learn.

We at Brutal Gamer are concerned with the welfare and continued success of game developers.

So, I consider it an honor – No! A duty – to provide a list of the things that will make us gamers hate you. You are welcome…

Bad or Poorly Programmed Collision Detection – No Picket Fences

This one comes in at 10 because it will not necessarily make us quit playing your game but, depending on the severity, will make us curse your name.

It was at the tender young age of 2 when I learned the Pauli Exclusion Principle while trying to bash two blocks together. “Hey” I thought to myself, “Two solid objects must not be able to occupy the same space at the same time.”

So why is it that when I play a game my character can walk through rocks, stick its gun through walls, and fall through floors?

What may even be worse than being able to walk through solid objects is getting caught on some insignificant object. This problem manifests itself in the most frustrating manner with driving games.

Somehow we are able to make our vehicle do astounding feats by jumping over canyons, launching off of dead end roads, or plowing into other vehicles causing them to flip over or spin out. But, if we hit a rock the size of a cat, or a picket fence, or catch the edge of a building, all of the beautiful laws of physics that you have programmed into your game get tossed out of the window and our super auto comes to an unexplainable dead stop.

Honestly guys and gals don’t cheep out with the way you handle collisions. We will notice.

Invisible Walls – “Why did I stop moving?”

This one is one that you may not here about often. We feel like this is a cruel joke you play on us and we keep out mouth shut because more often than not, we spend more than a few minutes jumping up and down like idiots against your invisible wall.

The level can’t go on forever. We understand that, but would it kill you to just give us some kind of sign? You don’t have to actually put a sign up saying “We don’t want you to go here” (although it wouldn’t hurt), you can be creative.

Put a huge stone wall around the entire level, make a huge drop off, put up laser beams that zap us if we get out of line – anything will do. Well, anything except a picket fence. (See number 10 above for more guidance about picket fences.)

Also, if it is an area that we will access later in the game, you might throw that out there too. Something along the lines of “We don’t want you to go here…yet”.

Bad Camera – Have you ever tried to kill 4 enemies while staring at your own backside?

I don’t care how proud you are of your backside, staring at it whilst trying to slay baddies is just not fun.

Here are a few other points to consider:

- We also don’t like staring at whatever piece a scenery happens to be in-between our character and the camera.

- Over head views are for top-down games. Don’t put them in my third person shooter or RPG. On second thought let’s just not use them…ever.

- If there is a corner, we want a way to look around it. We do not want the camera to swing around and look back at us. We don’t want to see us. We want to see where we are going.

- If you must auto-focus the camera on something important, then please stop the action for a moment. Don’t have the enemies beating the crap out of us while you show us a lever that we are supposed to push.

More preferable would be the option for us to push a button on the controller to see points of interest. That way we can deal with the situation at hand and then work on pushing whatever lever you have decided to torture us with by making us push it for some unnecessary reason that has absolutely nothing to do with the game play, story line, or sanity.

P.S. If you make the lever control a picket fence, you will pay.

Moving on…

Overly Repetitive dialog – This just in from the department of redundancy department

We don’t like hearing the same thing over and over again. We really don’t like to hear the same thing over and over again. We don’t really enjoy hearing the same thing over and over again. Something that annoys us is hearing the same thing over and over again. You know when you put some dialog in the game and then we have to hear it over and over again? We don’t like that.

Even when you phrase it a little different each time, it’s still annoying. “Hey, let’s go hide behind that picket fence” is the same as “Hey, there’s a picket fence we can hide behind”

Overly Repetitive missions – This just in from the department of redundancy department.

I know I already said that but it’s no different than what you make us do over and over again to artificially lengthen your game.

After we pick up wood for village idiot’s picket fence, don’t ask us to go get more wood later on. Even if it is in an area with higher level bad guys – it’s still the same mission.

If your game is shorter than the line up of games for the PS3, just admit it. Own it. Don’t try to make your game longer by torturing the poor souls who just want to finish your game.

It’s OK if you can’t think of something new and original, it happens to a lot of developers. We have headaches anyway and we really don’t feel like shaving our legs. So you know, don’t worry about it.

Nearly Impossible or Impossible Achievements / Trophies – We love your game but are not in love with your game.

More that likely if we are the kind to be interested in achievements or trophies we would love to be able to complete your game and experience everything that you want us to experience. Just don’t push it.

If you put an achievement in there that asks us to put more time into your game than Microsoft puts into exchanging consoles, we will not be friends.

If your trophy requires us to be among the best in the world at playing your game, we will call you all sorts of bad names.

We don’t ask for it to be easy just but just this side of not-going-to-happen would be great.

And none of that funny business with trying to make us play a game at a certain time. You may as well put a picket fence achievement in your game.

Unresponsive Controls – Button make go. Now.

You have done a very good job of training us that when we push a button, something happens. Call us spoiled but we have come to expect it.

I don’t care how much you want to scare us or make us “feel” the intense nature of your game. When we push a button, something should happen on the screen. Not when you want it to, not in 2 seconds, now. Unless your aim is to have us put down the controller completely, make it so.

You may get a kick out of thinking about us screaming at the TV with something like “FOR THE LOVE OF TIM SCHAFER WILL YOU FREAKING JUMP THE FREAKING PICKET FENCE ALREADY? GAHHH!” but we are not fond of it.

Timed Driving Missions – Unless you are making a driving game, don’t freaking put a clock on me.

We understand that you want to expand the experience of your game by adding some sort of vehicle. Heck, we even applaud it. But, nothing takes the wind out of our sails faster that getting in said vehicle and seeing a little timer pop up.

It might seam unimposing to you but to us it’s a big red sign that says: “Go play something else.”

You may say “My game is sort of a driving game and sort of an action game. Now can I put a timed driving mission in there?”

Let me make it simple for you. No.

In these situations it better to err on the side of caution. The only time it is acceptable to put a timed driving mission in your game is if the main character is never out of the car. Ever.

Once again, If you are 100 percent sure that you are making a driving game, make sure to also see the guidance about picket fences in number 10.

Escort Missions – You want me to make take who where?

Here’s the deal. We don’t spend hours upon hours of game time leveling up just to make sure some wimpy NPC, who can’t fight their way out of a paper bag, gets somewhere safely.

Also, if you choose to make the NPC indestructible it won’t make us like you. It will make us wonder why we are traveling somewhere we don’t want to go just to escort someone who could have done it themselves.

Every time we hear “Can you take me to that picket fence across the word and make sure I get there safely?” We think “No, do it yourself. I’m busy, and we really aren’t that good of friends anyway.”

Bad check points – We will hunt you down.

Here is a pro-tip for you: Even if you game is bad, we can suffer through it (providing there are no more than two of the items named above or picket fences) if you just give us the basic courtesy of a check point now and then. The worse your game is, the more check points it needs.

Don’t try to show us the little saving symbol when it’s really a cover up for something loading. We are on to you, we know your game. If we see that little symbol, our progress better be freaking saved.

Making us beat a boss than changes forms causing us to have to beat it again without a check point is barely acceptable.

Making us walk down a long enemy strewn path in order to get to a boss that we have to beat 3 times in each form without a checkpoint should only be done if you don’t mind the idea of us doing unspeakable things to your game.

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